Delirium
by bipalium
Summary: A collection of very short drabbles from tumblr. Pairings, rating and general level of sanity may vary.
1. Chapter 1

**This chapter is completely Zosan/Sanzo.**

_myladyday asked: Zosan, Zoro tries to cook_

Sanji burst out laughing, noticing the swordsman fully covered in flour near to the counter.

"Get out of here, shit-cook! I haven't finished your birthday gift yet!" Zoro shouted, blushing all over his face.

The blond approached Zoro, sliding his hands down the swordsman's spine and hissed passionately right into his ear: "Oh, what if I want to have another gift now, Marimo?"

* * *

_Myladyday asked: Zosan, Zoro is a cucumber _

Sanji thrust the cucumber deeper into his ass, feeling the sensation of dotted object giving him an unbearable wave of pleasure. A passionate moan escaped the blond's mouth, and he whispered uncontrollably: "Ah, Zoro…"

"What the hell are you doing, Cook?!" The familiar greenhead suddenly appeared in the dark; Sanji jumped on the spot in shame and embarrassment (still with the cucumber in his ass).

"If you wanted some phallic object in your ass, you could just simply call me," Zoro smirked devilishly.

* * *

_myladyday asked: Zosan, Zoro is the hulk and Sanji is a princess_

"Oh, Hulk, save me from this scary monster!" Sanji screamed in an incredibly high voice, picking up the hem of his dress.

"HULK IS HEREEE TO SAAAAAVE YOUUUU," Zoro snarled, catching the blond and setting him down in his lap. Then the cook burst out laughing.

"Damn, Marimo, this roleplay is stupid, let's fuck already."

* * *

_gagakuma asked: ZoSan: forgotten anniversary_

"Oi, Cook…" Zoro lowered his gaze to his feet, trying to avoid the blond's angry eyes.

"I don't need your stupid apologies, fuck off," Sanji exhaled the smoke harshly.

Zoro frowned, rummaging through his pockets. "It took me some time to find the one that would suit you," He raised a small box to the surprised blond. "I'm sorry I didn't do it yesterday…"

Sanji opened the box, and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of a silver ring inside it.

"So… Will you marry me, stupid shit-cook?"

* * *

_vergina-spva asked: ZoSan: at a gardening event_

"Look, Zoro, these ones are beautiful," Sanji sniffled a flower, a sign of pleasure on his face.

"Nah, stupid flowers, that's girlish shit," Zoro rolled his eyes.

"You think so?" The blond moved aside, picking up a white rose and placing it between his teeth. "Gentleman, would you be so kind to dance with me?" He smirked, raising his hand in invitation.

* * *

_myladyday: Zosan, Zoro talking to Sanji's belly (he's not pregnant, Zoro is just talking to the belly)_

"So, mister, how was your day?" The swordsman asked with a serious expression.

"Damn, Marimo, that's stupid, cut it!" Sanji chuckled: Zoro's breath tickled his abdomen. "Why the hell are you so excited about my belly at all?"

"That's because I love every part of you," Zoro nuzzled into the blushing cook's navel.

* * *

_myladyday: Zosan, Zoro wears fishnet stockings _

The cook observed the swordsman skeptically. His lover was wearing a nurse uniform with fishnet stockings; the latter were white as snow, and Zoro's tanned skin looked somehow interesting in them. Nevertheless, Sanji waved his hand and uttered: "Nope, change this. It's weirder than the Hulk was."

* * *

_xpiester333x asked: Zosan, buying a new bed. Bonus points if you're creative about what happened to the old one._

"You know, we need a… durable one," Sanji uttered to the salesgirl, blushing to his ears.

"Yep, this sexy blondie is too furious on his ride," Zoro blurted, receiving Sanji's killing glance.

"What? I thought it was you who broke that damned bed in half, using your so-called 'none-sword style'!" The cook shouted, feeling the eyes of every customer on him.

* * *

_myladyday: Zosan, a romantic date at a fast food restaurant _

Sanji looked at his green haired companion, who was greedily devouring a giant hamburger. The cook sighed with a hint of frustration, taking a sip of coffee and looking out the window with an unfocused look.

"Hey, Cook," Zoro mumbled with his mouth full. "Don't make such a face, I have returned from my shift just now and I'm hungry."

Sanji turned to him, still frowning.

"Hey, your food is the best anyway," Zoro chuckled joyfully, and his stupid grin made the blond break into smile.

* * *

_candy-of-doom asked: Zoro and Sanji drink vodka during a really violent winter_

Zoro dried his glass in one gulp, slammed it over the wooden table, his shoulders jerking, and exclaimed loudly: "This booze is fucking daaaamn good!"

Sanji burst out laughing; he himself was already drunk as hell, but seeing Zoro like this was a rare image to look at. Even though the swordsman could usually hold his drink, this strange liquor was really strong. But even so, it wasn't the funniest thing: the next moment Zoro leaned closer to Sanji and mightily sniffed his hair.

"What the-" The cook could barely hold his laughter.

"I don't know, for some reason I just felt it would be good after this booze," The Marimo giggled.

"Oh, for some reason I think it would be good to warm up now, it's too cold in here," Sanji gave him an extremely seductive gaze from under his eyelashes and pressed his lips passionately against the swordsman's.

* * *

_kumiko-sama-chan asked: ZoSan in space._

Zoro placed the naked weak body in his lap and gently covered it with his cape. The blond was panting, his eyes watching his savior desperately: now, in this mecha cabin, he was safe.

Zoro glared through the front cabin glass, and suddenly sharp-shaped red goggles appeared on his face. He shouted so loud, his voice echoed in every corner of the galaxy: "For the sake of Arch-Mugiwara-Dan and our former leader Luffy! For the sake of Luffy-City and its citizens! For the sake of the Universe and haki-users! Anti-haki bastard, my katana will drill the space!"

* * *

_kumiko-sama-chan asked: ZoSan, Sanji is trying to cook, but it's hard to do when Zoro is being frisky._

"No, Marimo, stop!" Sanji hissed through his teeth, trying to release himself from the stubborn swordsman, who was clenching him from behind. This annoying bastard had been distracting him from cooking for about an hour already, and Sanji couldn't even simply chop a fucking lettuce!

"I'm hungry," The Marimo drawled, gripping his teeth into the cook's bare neck.

"If you want food, you should wait, idiot!" Sanji shuddered, though this movement didn't help him to get rid from Zoro's firm embrace.

"But I don't want _food_, dumbass," He chuckled evilly, touching Sanji's earlobe with a tip of his warm tongue.


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is Ace/Marco and Kidd/Law. The level of sanity decreases.**

_myladyday asked: Kidd/Law they're powerpuff girls_

"Fuck, it's embarrassing," Law facepalmed, avoiding Kidd's gaze. The red haired man dressed in a short pink dress and with a bow-knot on his hair was trying to zip Law's blue dress, which was too tight for the doctor's wide, tattooed chest.

"But man, you look so cute wearing this cosplay!" Kidd finally exclaimed, trying not to laugh at Law's angry red face.

* * *

_myladyday asked: Marco/Ace, ace sets Marco's hair on fire_

"Dammit, Ace, what the hell?!" Marco shouted. Water was dripping from his half-burned head, his scalp itching violently.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry!" Ace hugged his shocked lover, nuzzling into his shoulder, while hiding his wide evil grin. _Next time I'll definitely burn his dick._

* * *

_myladyday: Marco/Ace, Ace burns off the crotch area of every pair of Marco's pants while sleepwalking_

Marco observed his whole wardrobe with a worried expression; he was even scared, yet still watched with a hint of curiosity.

"Ace…" He swallowed nervously. "Can you explain it?"

The freckled man simply shrugged.

"Dunno, I was sleepwalking after all. But maybe I have an unconscious, _burning_ desire for your dick?"

* * *

_xpiester333x asked: Kid/Law on a super cheesy romantic dinner_

"So… Um…" Law cleared his throat, trying not to look at the surroundings that were full of pink hearts. "Happy… Saint Valentine's day," He hissed through his teeth.

"Damn, cheers," Kidd raised a glass of incredibly sweet girlish champagne, noting to himself that the next time he'd definitely reserve seats in a restaurant earlier.

* * *

_myladyday: Marco/Ace, Ace gives Marco's ass a name_

"So, Johnny, do you love me?" Ace asked and then squeezed Marco's booty, imitating its voice: "Yes, I love you, Ace, and I love Jean-Baptiste too!"

The blond sighed heavily: his freckled boyfriend was acting more and more suspicious these days; he was so weird that Marco was even frightened, just a bit.

"Who the fuck is Jean-Baptiste?" Marco rolled his eyes.

"Guess who," Ace smirked, unzipping his jeans slowly.

* * *

_myladyday: Kidd/Law, cactus_

"And what the hell is this?" Law facepalmed, looking at their newly adopted 'baby'. Law didn't mind babies, but it was a fucking CACTUS.

"It's our son, Jean-Baptiste," Kidd explained calmly. There wasn't any hint of possible misunderstanding in his eyes: the red haired man looked as confident as never before. Trafalgar bit his lip. He totally wasn't okay with this.

"Nah, I was doubling your sanity since you'd forced me to cosplay powerpuff girls, but…"

"…but Jean-Baptiste is my dick!" Ace shouted, suddenly appearing from nowhere.


End file.
